Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
