pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
