I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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