He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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