I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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