I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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