I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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