She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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