I am puke
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
