um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
