dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
