Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
