I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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