Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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