either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Say something about gay babies.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
