Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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