i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
