Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
