I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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