He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
