I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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