with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
