at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
