dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
