I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
PANTIES FOUND
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
