Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
