I'm so fucking centered right now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
