none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
