Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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