she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
