he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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