Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
