If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
