So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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