I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
