I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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