the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
