sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
even my farts smell like vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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