Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
