so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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