You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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