he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
whose parrot is this?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
