So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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