So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
