i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
