OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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