My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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