It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
