there was a trapeze. enough said
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
