Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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